Monday, July 22, 2013

preliminary thoughts on gender after my hysterectomy

I feel stronger; I feel whole in a way I never have before; I feel more complete, less scattered.

I think this is an unusual reaction to having an organ removed.

Yesterday I went to Tombstone (Arizona) with my mom, a friend of mine, and our kids. Walking through town, I felt myself standing taller than usual. My core felt reinforced; my core felt as though I needed no reinforcement.

I feel as though the divide between the female and the male inside me has receded. I am neither, or I am both, or I am a woman - I don't really, truly know. But the conflict is gone, regardless. I am me.

Archer says the timbre of my voice has dropped; I speak more readily and more directly. To him, I sound more masculine, only minus the grumpiness that often comes along with my masculinity.

I don't feel particularly masculine, now. I only feel strong. 

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