My birthday is coming up. And Doc's boyfriend is throwing/hosting a slumber party for me. Because he's awesome. The theme? Gender-bending. It's my party, after all.
Doc's my girlfriend, btw. I'll call her boyfriend FM - the Fireman.
And together, they're Bendy! (You have to say that in a superhero-announcer voice. Out loud.)
[Nope, not explaining the joint nickname.]
So FM's throwing me a party because he's awesome, and dressing up as the House Mom for the event. Doc's going to be a soccer-girl. Honestly, I'm not sure what that means, yet, but it's cool. I'll see at the party. There's a high likelihood I'm over-thinking things.
I was just discussing the party with FM, and mentioned I wasn't sure yet what I would wear. "Probably something boi-ish," I said.
Oh yes, I'm opening that can of worms.
(Ready for some gender introspection on my part?)
Last month, I spent all my time hiking around a savanna and some rainforests with seven other girls, all of whom seemed pretty comfortable in their girl-ness. Most of them weren't aware there were other possibilities. Something about that environment, or that situation, made me feel pretty comfortable with myself, too. Maybe it was the competence I felt; camping and hiking are things I'm used to, comfortable with, and certain of; I won't claim to be great at them (whatever that means), but they're familiar activities. Either way, my more masculine side was evident. Archer could see it in the pictures of me. I could feel it in my movements, my mannerisms, and my short temper.
It didn't dissipate as soon as I got back. It lingered, faded and receded but there, even in Archer's presence. And it felt ok. I didn't feel out of balance. I felt more balanced. It's likely that feeling more balanced in general, is due to several things, not just this one. But I feel like this is a factor in that balance.
The key concept is that I felt ok with feeling masculine around Archer.
Usually, his presence makes me feel uber-feminine. In fact, I think I've posted about this before - the balancing effect. I tend to 'balance' with the people surrounding me, or with the situation I'm in. Archer is uber-masculine; he makes me feel uber-feminine. He still does. But for a couple days there, I felt both. I felt very feminine, but also felt that masculine side of me, still there, still present.
I want to explore that.
So, something boi-ish.