tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3309703576184054345.post2605309829116731755..comments2022-12-10T02:38:11.178-08:00Comments on Race Me Home: dichotomy: survivor v. whoreArcher's Boneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15507043334472692421noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3309703576184054345.post-82747090855954931292012-06-13T10:11:42.469-07:002012-06-13T10:11:42.469-07:00You were well on your way out of "hell" ...You were well on your way out of "hell" on your own, before we met. You had had enough, but had not yet found a clear new path to take up your decisive departure upon. You were not half rotted, as I have said: you were always pure and good, that's why the bad stuff never made sense to you, you survived, but not in a way or in a world or according to norms that were natural to you. You were a stranger in a strange land, waiting to come homeAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3309703576184054345.post-28557765000475418142012-06-13T10:06:09.155-07:002012-06-13T10:06:09.155-07:00Then you were and are even less diminished by that...Then you were and are even less diminished by that lifeAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3309703576184054345.post-58745025203375933912012-06-12T21:18:28.690-07:002012-06-12T21:18:28.690-07:00I was with you until the third section of your com...I was with you until the third section of your comment... for me, there was no pride in surviving those events. I wasn't sure I had survived, really, because I knew I was progressively less intact after each one. I had not survived as a whole person. I had lost parts of myself, until there was very little left. There was no pride in having 'survived' in that manner. There wasn't even relief. Instead there was a very deep sort of depression (little d, not the illness, but the emotion), because I knew I wasn't surviving in the spiritual sense. <br><br>I do think I understand what you're saying, and I've seen that represented in others, but I don't think it applies wholly to me. Maybe in part, but not in whole. By that, I mean that I have adopted that mantle of pride, as a sort of protection against the scrutiny of others, but it was barely skin deep. It wasn't a true emotion.Boneshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15507043334472692421noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3309703576184054345.post-67776633754249687602012-06-12T21:05:16.217-07:002012-06-12T21:05:16.217-07:00The great pride a survivor takes is solely in thwa...The great pride a survivor takes is solely in thwarting what always feels like imminent annihilation. The pains and insults become badges of pride, " look what I can withstand!". "I thought surely this bit would have snapped me in two, but look! I'm still here! Hmm let's see how much MORE I can take! ". It has resonance in some BDSM sub themes. But it is a perverse celebration of the rule of evil in ones life, it becomes an enabler of such evil, being stically durable in the face of evil and enabling it via tacit approval, become one in action and effect, while the one mindset holds itself high in its embrace of utter shitAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3309703576184054345.post-67247914144232339332012-06-12T20:58:17.582-07:002012-06-12T20:58:17.582-07:00It's like burning your furniture to cook your ...It's like burning your furniture to cook your food because you know that as soon as you go to sleep someone will come and steal it anyway. In the survivors world, nothing is sacred, because everything has been raped already.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3309703576184054345.post-41508593471519953362012-06-12T20:55:12.731-07:002012-06-12T20:55:12.731-07:00The dichotomy you have described, between the surv...The dichotomy you have described, between the survivor and the whore, does not exist for me in that way. I perceive sex work, especially sex work that is degrading, as the epithet "whore" implies, as the ultimate in survival. When a person is reduced to their most essential resources, their body, their dignity, their human sexual response, when a person is reduced to using such base tools, literally and societally naked, to make a living, well, to me that is the ultimate in "survival" economies. <br><br>The horrible things that have peeled you apart, alienated you from people, men, even while propelling your empty shell of a body and emotional zombie presence toward them, ESP. Husband #2, these things put you into survival mode. Your actions were cruel to me, callous and low. This is how people function in survival mode, one is ready to sell anything, because everything is impermanent. It's like burning your furnituAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3309703576184054345.post-63269208456418464292012-06-11T17:33:01.020-07:002012-06-11T17:33:01.020-07:00That was indeed the thing that turned our relation...That was indeed the thing that turned our relationship around. It gave him a better understanding of the world I came from, and made him realize that it wasn't a toxic world, as he had believed before. It was a major turning point, and the first thing that actually solidified our relationship. Until that event, we had a very tenuous hold on "us." We probably wouldn't have made it, without that happening. <br><br>I hadn't realized that it was three months ago... although, I think the 10 March event was actually our second such soiree? I can't remember for sure. <br><br>Anyway, here's what I decided on all this: I'm good at letting things go; in the past, I have completely ignored patterned and intentional hurts dealt by people who weren't half the human being that Archer is... and now, I'm hanging on to something that was NOT intended to be cruel, and is not part of a pattern - it's actually counter to Archer's behavioral patterns, because he's extremely concerned with my welfare in all ways. I need to just let this go. <br><br>My powers of denial are astounding, and this time I get to use them for Good! <br><br>And Dr. Luscious, no sadness allowed for you. :-*Boneshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15507043334472692421noreply@blogger.com